The top 5 dangers of Christmas

It’s all fun and games until someone ends up dead. Oh, wait, that’s a tagline for my books. J
 
Christmas is my favorite holiday, but when I read recently that the most dangerous part about the holidays was a Christmas tree, I was surprised. Christmas tree fires are some of the most deadly fires. According to the National Association of Fire Protection, “These fires caused an average of 7 deaths, 19 injuries, and $17.5 million in direct property damage annually. ”
 
It got me to wondering. How dangerous is Christmas? So below, I offer the Top 5 (slightly facetious) dangers of Christmas
 

1. Death by Family. I doubt you’ve heard of this rare syndrome, but forced and prolonged contact with family you only see once a year is rife with danger.  Prolonged conversations with the uncle who can’t hear, the aunt who spouts your latest bad news at the top of her lungs, the sibling who won’t let you forget the time you put gum in her hair when you were four, and the constant rub of old hurts and insecurities. Beware. Herein lies the biggest emotional danger of Christmas.
2. Death by Chocolate. I know what you’re thinking. Totally worth it, but this holiday danger goes beyond chocolate. There are the requisite baked goods from the neighbors, the goodies your coworkers bring to the carb-coma table, the box in the mail and the stuff in your stocking. It is a slippery, calorie filled slope, my friends.
3. Death by Music. A local radio station starts playing Christmas music beginning November 1. We haven’t even had snow yet, and some chipper DJ wants me to listen to Christmas music for the next two months. Such behavior could induce seizures ... or at least the desire to wear earmuffs.
4. Death by Light Display. The need to keep up with the Griswolds has us climbing onto a slippery roof to staple strings of lights around the rim and along the roofline. We plant yard art, put wreaths and lights in every window, and display our tree in the front window for the one time a year we actually want our neighbors to peek inside. If we survive the fall off the slippery roof, we still risk electrocution, lead poisoning (apparently that’s a thing), and a utility bill that will give us heartburn for the New Year.
5. Death by Stress. The holidays are the most stressful time of the year. The snow-packed streets are ice rinks, the malls are jammed, and the joyful crowds are often less than joyful. We worry about finding the perfect gifts, cooking the perfect meal, and having the most beautiful decorations. That kind of perfectionism leads to an ulcer. And a strong urge for a stiff drink in the middle of the day.

 
You shouldn’t take the risk. Stay home. Read a good book. :)